Dianne...Vulnerability...Connection

I picked up on a craving for intimacy, authenticity, interconnection and ongoing transformation in Dianne’s communications with me, and set off to keep it simple and pure with her. I knew the location would be the
reflecting pool at Seattle U. I had the idea that I wanted feathers and other floating objects tied to me and floating in the reflecting pool. I knew that I wanted Dianne to be holding a thread connecting her physically to me, I knew that I would be wearing a burnt orange shirt and chartreuse scarf, two colors that she knows go brilliantly together ( a nice discovery for me, as I have never worn that color combination before, but quite fancy it.) I knew that nests and birds figured deeply in my connection with Dianne.

8:20am I arrived with my son Kaveh as Alia finished parking. Dianne was already there, and sure enough, we were wearing matching colors. I sort of set up and engaged with Kaveh awkwardly until Alia got there, at which time I could focus on Dianne. We tied feathers to strings together, and then tied those strings to my right foot. I realized that I should have jumped out to the little island before tying the string on to my foot, but then made the jump anyways, sort of holding then releasing the strings as I leapt. I placed 2 small bird sculptures on the more nestlike island in the reflecting pool, then waded over to the bare rock where I planned to do the majority of the performance. Diane moved to the chair I had set up for her to sit in and handed me the green string, holding the spool while I tied the end to a button at mid chest. I untangled a few of the strings, but it was cold, I realized they would tangle again as soon as I began to move, and I felt the need to “begin.” I closed my eyes and tried to move from my body and heart, keep my cells open and allow my vulnerability to flare into movement. Movement happened, though it was too cold and small on that island for me to feel very patient. I had trouble balancing, I played with the strings with my foot, I listened to my sons commentary, I wrapped the string around my head and took it in my mouth, I could feel the motion of Dianne unwinding the spool on her end as I did this and it was delicious, like the feeling of connection a kite must have as it soars.

At a certain point (time gets pretty vague with eyes closed) I opened my eyes, opened the bag which was hanging from my neck, and began to float little pine cone wings (what is the name for the little pieces that so cleverly together comprise a pine cone?) on the water. The sting ray shaped pine cone wings had reminded me of cedar waxwings, and I had the thought of releasing a little flock of them into the water. I moved off the rock, thinking to continue releasing cone wings as I moved back to the nest island for a finale, but noticed KT beckoning me, and a security guard. I grabbed the birds from the island and headed back to shore, unsure if the solo had found an unexpected end, but it was OK, I kept going, walking closer and closer to Dianne as she wound in the string. Walking around the edge of the pool, the string had created a horseshoe, and the u of it dragging through the water towards us was somehow very poignant for me. I placed cone wings on the ground before her, getting closer and closer until I placed one in her hand, and then upon her heart, where it obligingly balanced and stayed. Then we looked into each others eyes and I felt an end.

Afterwards I felt the awkwardness of having shared something slightly inexplicable: vulnerable, intimate and fleeting. We walked into the chapel to warm up and bask in its spiritual energy, the needs of my family caught me up again, I felt somehow cleansed, both heavy and light at the same time. There are no answers, but I feel thankful none the less.

And then I read Dianne's words, and my feelings shifted, and there were answers of sorts, shared experiences, connections, and a deep gratitute to both Dianne and KT.

Here they are

....connection.....connection to self.....connection to other....connection to the natural world.....receptive.....emerging....connecting....unfolding....surrender.... these were the themes of my dance, themes I saw and felt in every gesture Aaron made. I could speak of these, could speak of how he curled on the rock in the middle of the reflecting pool, could speak of how he stood haltingly and opened, could speak of the feathers tied to his ankle and how they floated on the surface of the water. But what has captured my attention more than these, is the moment when the security guard came over and said we were on private property and that what Aaron was doing had to stop. Why would this capture my attention? Because, in the face of what is emerging in me - a deeper level of my feminine being, a complete re-orientation of what it means to be a woman on an emotional/sexual/spiritual level - I almost always feel "at risk" and vulnerable. The question I am living is "how do I live with/expose a deeper level of my feminine knowing despite the real fears of it being attacked, controlled and/or violated?" So, there it was, mySelf unfolding in Aaron's every gesture while, in the background, KT was speaking with the security guard who wanted to control what was happening. And there was real beauty in that moment....While continuing to watch Aaron, I heard KT's voice - quiet, non-defensive - and I felt her gentleness even as she was requesting that we be allowed to continue. When it was clear that Aaron had to remove himself from the reflecting pool, KT walked over, beckoned to him (at this point, KT became part of the dance), took his hand, and together, they walked along the edge of the pool until Aaron stood facing me. These are the questions I am left with: Am I willing to continue to expose my vulnerability? Am I willing to step into the light of a new consciousness? Am I willing to give up power and dominance and make room for a deeper wisdom that is connected to the sacred in life? Am I willing to forge a new link of love through my heart to the hearts of the whole of humanity?" Thank you, Aaron, and Lingo for this unique opportunity.

Dianne Grob